Fwd: New Stock Market Terms

New Stock Market Terms

• CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
• CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
• BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
• BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.
• VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
• P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
• BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
• STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
• STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
• STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
• FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
• MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
• CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
• YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
• WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
• INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
• PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use