Fwd: Men vs Women

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yes," the wife replied , "in-laws"


WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.


W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!


WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HE_BREWS"


SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK THEY CAN HANDLE IT !

Fwd: One for teabreak

An Indian goes to Australia and goes to Woolworths (A grocery store in
Australia). He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of
cat food and goes to check out.

The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and
will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks the Indian to show him his
cat before he could let him have cat food. The Indian goes home and returns
with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.

Next week the Indian finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen
cans of dog food and goes to check out.

The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he
cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog-food to his kids. He asks
the Indian to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog
food.

The Sardar goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.

Next week the Indian comes to Woolworths with a bag. He asks the manager to
put his hand in the bag.

The Manager puts his hand in the bag, feels some thing slimy and
immediately takes it out. He shouts at the Indian, What the F*** is this?
Is this shit you Idiot?

The Indian calmly replies, "Yes, and I want to buy toilet paper."

Fwd: Joke Of the Day (TWO GHOSTS!)

Two ghosts met and both chat about how they died.

1st ghost: How u died?

2nd ghost: I died of cold.

1st ghost: How does it feel when you're dying in cold?

2nd ghost: Actually, I was imprisoned in the refrigerator. Initially, I was shivering, then my whole body started to freeze, later I felt the whole world was dark and I died. Fortunately, I died with not much sufferings.

1st ghost: You're so pityful....

2nd ghost: How about you? How did u die?

1st ghost: I died from heart attack.

2nd ghost: I see, why did u have a heart attack?

1st ghost: Actually, I found out that my wife is having an affair with another man. One day, when I came back from work, saw a pair of man shoes outside my house. Then, I realized that the guy was in my house with my wife. When I rushed into the bedroom, my wife was alone. I must find where that bastard is hiding. So I searched the toilet, I ran downstairs, looked in the storeroom, but the bastard was not there. So, I ran upstairs and searched the wardrobe, but I found nothing. Because I was too tired of all that running,I got a heart attack and died.

2nd ghost: Why didn't you look for the bastard in the fridge? If you did, both of us were alive now!!

Fwd: English is a difficult language... for some!

Fwd: Why wedding ring should be put on the fourth finger?

This is interesting!  
   
    

Why wedding ring should be put on the fourth finger?? 

Thumb represents               parents 
Second finger represents brothers & sisters 
Center finger represents  own self 
Fourth finger represents  your partner 
Last finger represents       your children 
Really 
interesting 

Why wedding ring should be put on the fourth finger?? 
Pls read the following, you may not believe that really god made this a miracle (this is from a Chinese excerpt) but still interesting! 

Firstly, join your palms as shown in photo below, center finger bend and put together back to back 
Secondly, let the rest of the 4 fingers touch tips to tip 
Game begins, follow the instructions below for all the 5 fingers but only 1 pair can split.   

Try to open your thumb, the thumb represents parents, it can be opened because .... ............. Whoever may be, our parents will leave us one day. 
Please close up your thumb, Then open your second finger, this finger represents brothers and sisters, they do have their own family which is the reason 
that they will leave us too. Now close up your second finger, 
Open up your little finger, this represents your children.. Sooner or later they too will leave us for they got they own living to live nevertheless, close up your little finger, 
Try to open your fourth finger in which we put our wedding ring; you will be surprised to find that it cannot be opened at all. Because it represents husband and wife,  this whole life you will be attached to each other 

Real love will stick together ever and forever. . . ………..  

Fwd: The 7 Dangerous Act after meal

THE SEVEN DANGEROUS


DON'T ACT THE 7 ACTIONS BELOW
AFTER YOU HAVE A MEAL


* Don't smoke- Experiment from experts proves that smoking a cigarette after meal is comparable to smoking 10 cigarettes (chances of cancer is higher).

* Don't eat fruits immediately - Immediately eating fruits after meals will cause stomach to be bloated with air. Therefore take fruit 1-2 hr after meal or 1hr before meal.

* Don't drink tea - Because tea leaves contain a high content of acid. This substance will cause the Protein content in the food we consume to be hardened thus difficult to digest.

* Don't loosen your belt - Loosening the belt after a meal will easily cause the intestine to be twisted & blocked.

* Don't bathe - Bathing after meal will cause the increase of blood flow to the hands, legs & body thus the amount of blood around the stomach will therefore decrease. This will weaken the digestive system in our stomach.

* Don't walk about - People always say that after a meal walk a hundred steps and you will live till 99. In actual fact this is not true. Walking will cause the digestive system to be unable to absorb the nutrition from the food we intake.

* Don't sleep immediately - The food we intake will not be able to digest properly. Thus will lead to gastric & infection in our intestine.

Fwd: Paying it Forward

Fwd: A second before death...

See the shots taken inside the plane before it crashed...Just unbelievable.


Photos taken from the GOL B 737 aircraft accident in Brazil

Last month a B737 had a mid air collision with a Embraer Legacy while cruising at 35,000 feet over South America . The Embraer Legacy, though seriously damaged, with the winglet ripped off, managed to make a landing at a nearby airstrip in the midst of the Amazon jungle.. The crew and passengers of the Embraer Legacy had no idea what they had hit. The B737,however, crashed killing all crew and passengers on board.. The two photos attached above were apparently taken by one of the passengers in the B737, after the collision and before the aircraft
crashed. The photos were retrieved from the camera's memory stick. You will never get to see photos like this. In the first photo there is a gaping hole in the fuselage through which you can see the tailplane and vertical fin of the aircraft. In the second photo one of the passengers
is being sucked out of the gaping hole.

Photos taken inside the plane.

These photos were found in a digital Casio Z750, amidst the remains in Serra do Cachimbo. Although the camera was destroyed, the Memory Stick was recovered. Investigating the serial number of the camera the owner could be identified, as Paulo G. Muller, an actor of a theatre for children known in the outskirts of Porto Alegre It can be imagined that he was standing during the impact with the Embraer Legacy, and during the turbulence he managed to take these photos, s econds after the tail loss the aircraft plunged, so the camera was found near the cockpit. the structural stress probably ripped the engines away, diminishing the falling speed, protecting the ele ctronic equipment but not, unfortunately, the victims. Paulo Muller leaves behind two daughters,Bruna and Beatriz, from a previous relationship.

Fwd: A doctor's wisdom

A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said: 'Doctor, I have a serious
problem and desperately need your help! My baby is not even 1 yr. old and I'm pregnant again. I don't want kids so close together.'

So the doctor said: 'Ok, and what do you want me to do?'

She said: 'I want you to end my pregnancy, and I'm counting on your help with this.'

The doctor thought for a little while, and after some silence he said to the lady: 'I think I have a better solution for your problem. It's less dangerous for you too.'

She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request.
Then he continued: 'You see, in order for you not to have to take care of two babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms. That way, you could rest some before the other one is born. If we're going to kill one of them, it doesn't matter which one it is. There would be no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms.

The lady was horrified and said: 'No doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child!

'I agree', the doctor replied. 'But you seemed to be ok with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution.

The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point. He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one that's still in the womb. The crime is the same!

If you agree, please forward this message. Together we can help save precious lives! Please support those who cannot speak for themselves.

GOD BLESS!